hello.

health:
I'm still mostly eating right -- I've been working out around four times a week, but I've been bad about letting that mean that I can eat more food. My weight is up a pound, and I am not sure if that's from eating more or just my body getting more muscle? Regardless of the reason, it's not going to stick -- I really would like to lose 4 more pounds, then I will be done with weight loss and focusing only on leaning/toning and maintaining that weight.

I signed up for a fitness bootcamp for the month of March -- it's at 7AM on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Hate the early wakeup, but I am doing it with three friends from work so that's motivation.

This working out is changing my self-perception in a good way. I'm liking the results I'm seeing.

love:
Very character building, I hope anyway. I feel like I am laying the prep work now as a single person for what I hope to be a stable, happy future with an unknown partner something like three years from now (like coming out to my grandparents now so they have time to process it, working on getting my body in shape).

money:
I need advice. I got my bonus for the 2008 year, so now the question is:
Should I pay off half of my last federal student loan or should I buy a vehicle? The car would be paid for in full from my bonus, but it would mean adding monthly costs like parking and insurance. Because I live and work downtown, a car is not really necessary, but it would be nice. Should I spring for a luxury or be practical? I already bought myself a Kindle, so it's not like I am treating myself like a pauper.

So I am finally to the point where I could start posting my eating and working out, as I am now doing both of them right. Still at the same weight, but feeling good about how I am looking these days. Last week I worked out Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, then went to pilates on Saturday. This week I worked out Tuesday and Wednesday... went to dinner with K on Monday and went on a first date with a sous chef last night (Thurs) otherwise I would have worked out those days too. Tonight is quiz night at a gay bar, so skipping the gym, but I plan on doing pilates tomorrow -- it's pretty intense! My ab muscles hurt everytime I laughed for two days after the last session. I felt really dumb at the last session but the instructor gave me a sweet compliment afterwards -- "I can't believe this is your first session."

So last night I was very adventurous with the food I ate -- normally I have a "no cute animals" rule, but I ate the following:
Duck Confit, savoy cabbage slaw, roasted baby beets, beet vinagrette
Duck salami
Rosemary Chicken Liver Bruschetta, shallot marmalade, herb salad
House-Cured Trout, shaved fennel, toasted hazelnuts, tangerine vinaigrette

I decided when hanging out with a chef, eat what the chef recommends.

I'm happy to report that I have gone to the gym two nights in a row. On Tuesday night, my friend's friend taught us this series of 12 exercises using free weights. So last night, I did a half hour on the treadmill then did the series. I'm happy to be a member of the going to the gym club, but not liking the mindset I have about my own body recently thats causing me to go (namely, yes my stomach is flat but it's not as attractive because it's not toned, etc). I need to not compare myself to other people and remember my self-respect... I have lost it in the last two weeks, but that's another story. It's not permanent though.

A asked in her blog what people do to relieve stress. I found out a while back that my blood has too much oxygen in it -- the balance is off. This is caused by taking shallow breaths a lot, which people do when they are stressed (like mini-hyperventilating). So I learned a breathing exercise that I probably do throughout the day every day (at least during the work week). It's based on the same concept of blowing into a paper bag when you have a panic attack-- you want more carbon dioxide in your system to have a calming effect (and restore the balance in your blood). So what you do is purse your lips like a straw and blow the air out through your mouth somewhat forcefully. Since there is just a small opening for the air to exit, this forces back some of the carbon dioxide, which is a good thing. It looks funny though, but it works.

Still 112, still happy about that. A friend of a friend got certified as a personal trainer, so we're going to the gym tonight together to learn some new tips.

Two things I have done in the last few days that are helping me keep the weight off:

1. Eating small portions of bad food. It's unreasonable that I will eat solely healthy food all the time, so this weekend I started eating a little bit of unhealthy food (buffalo chicken bites w/ dip, a starbucks chocolate chip drink), but I only consume about half of the serving or less than throw the rest away. It's not ideal to throw away food, but there's no point in consuming a massive portion size that reflects an unhealthy western diet. Still trying to only eat healthy during the week, then be more relaxed on the weekends.

2. Switching to diet soda. I am seriously doing this. I know it is shocking. I just need to finish up the regular soda I have at home, but already at work I drink water in the mornings and diet coke after lunch.

Things with K turned into not what I had hoped, but I want to make it mean something by making life changes in terms of health, like diet soda and going to the gym. I want to look more toned.

weekend

I'm to the point now where I think I may have lost a little too much weight too quickly (I weighed 112 this morning -- this is a 19.8 BMI, underweight is less than 18.5, so it's not an unhealthy weight). I want to be this weight but I want it to be right -- working out and such. I went for a run yesterday and I was not pleased with my endurance. So I think today I am going to eat Cosi for lunch and eat off the regular menu, not the light menu like I always do. I ate very little this weekend, and I think I am going to suck it up and start going to the gym at my work, despite the awkwardness of seeing co-workers -- so that means that I'll need to eat more.

In other news, my weekend was awesome and something new seems to be starting. I'm pretty excited about that.

the cat stays in the picture

I weighed 117 this morning. Pretty happy about that. Now I am going to try to be 114. I need to join a gym ASAP.

What do you do when you meet someone you want to date but they tell you they are generally allergic to the type of pet you've owned for years? This is what I am dealing with today. It sucks. We'll see if she's like "just can't touch my eyes after I pet the cat" allergic or if she's "breaks out into hives and throat closes up when in the same room with a cat owner" allergic. Hmm.

generosity of spirit

article

Just got back from a weekend in NY. This article makes a brief reference to "generosity of spirit," which is something I am going to think about for the next few days.

state of the weight

I woke up this morning and weighed myself -- 119.2. I am pretty happy about this. At my highest weight since I started working, I weighed 126 and did not look good. My goal weight has always been 117, but now I am thinking that maybe I should strive towards something like 114?

I think the key to my recent weight loss has been treating dinner like a snack. I work until 8 or 9PM every night, and so it doesn't make sense to come home and eat a big meal when I am about to go to sleep. So instead I eat some cheese and crackers, carrot sticks, cucumber slices, etc. But I have been struggling when there is free food at work -- normally my typical lunch is a small soup and a piece of bread, but it's pretty hard to argue with a free lunch that includes a tomato mozzarella salad.

I still need to incorporate more exercise into my health plan. I walk to and from work every day, which ends up being a mile and a half a day. But I'd like to eventually work out a couple times a week. However, I don't live near a gym right now so I am not sure what I am going to do.

My weight is about to go up though because I plan on eating Qdoba for lunch, followed by a banana pudding cupcake from georgetown cupcake!!

in the life

I really think all/most GLBT people should try to catch "In the Life" every month on PBS. This month's episode has a really powerful segment on faith and sexuality with "jesus walks" by kanye playing duing a report on the ex-gay movement -- the program flashes the names and pictures of teenagers that commited suicide because they were struggling with their sexuality.

Also, on a more pop culture note, I actually think this season's The Real World might be worth watching. Genderiffic. The self-identified straight participants are some of the most interesting -- I love the Mormon guy and the bromance.

I had an amazing conversation yesterday about the universality of powerlessness/ frustration/ burn-out among all people are low on the totem pole of their particular employment situation. I sort of love those moments when I realize I was completely wrong about something.

i'm back!!

After spending some time with JZ and AMR over break, I realized a couple of things:
1) I need to switch from hotmail to gmail
2) I need to start going to the gym
3) Blogging is still fun, and a great way to keep in touch with people beyond facebook
4) Google Reader is a more efficient way to view material on the internet
5) I want an iphone (but I really have absolutely no excuse to get one right now)

So, I'm going to pick this blogging thing back up again, at least for a while.

-----

Do you remember that episode of Sex & the City where Miranda buys all new bedding?

Miranda : I'm trying to change my bed karma. I figure if I can make my bed a place I really want to be, others will feel the same.
Carrie : Aah, the Field of Dreams.
Miranda : Exactly. If you build it, he will come.

I'm doing the same. I bought this today along with a new down comforter and new sheets. I normally do not spend this much money, but I'm working towards a goal of having a classy living environment instead of what I have now, which is basically a college dorm. My lease on my studio ends in July, and I hope to move into an actual one bedroom in a more expensive building.

The other big news is that I have lost five pounds since my heaviest weight. I went to Trader Joe's last Tuesday and bought $50 worth of healthy foods. Since then, I have been as happy about healthy meals as I was when I was eating delicious, but bad food.

new bar exam doc

http://www.alawyerwalksintoabar.com/

L Word

If I were a journalist who focused on queer pop culture, my headline today would be: The L Word: & You Thought the Writing/Acting/Plots Could Not Get Any Worse. There were several point last night where I was actually laughing at how horrible it was. Bringing back Marina was nice, but my first thought was, "woah, the last time she was on the show, it was actually kind of good and kind of hot." That was sad.

They are actually creating this online queer female community (ourchart.com), which is awesome, but they actually incorporated it into the show, which I found to be very, very dumb. Don't endorse your own products. Next thing you know the dialogue will be like this:
Bette: Oh Alice, I love your bracelet.
Alice: Thanks Bette! I bought it online at Love & Pride Inc, which you can actually get to by going to Showtime's website. Do you have Showtime? I love that new show on that network, The Tudors. Here, the Planet has wireless internet-- let's go to S-H-O dot com right now!

Plus, while the characters were busy hyping the new site (which is not up yet--it says it will be up in January), they mentioned that the purpose besides general social networking is to create a chart of all the women you have hooked up with. They described how women who have hooked up with 50+ girls are called hubs and create their own solar system.

Now maybe this was an exaggeration for the sake of the plotline, but if it's not, I have to wonder: who wants to make a list like that online!?!? Plus, if you have hooked up with 50+ girls, you may be a hub and you may have your own solar system, but you are also kind of gross. And of course the L Word character was all out to find the girl who slept with 1300 women, when all I can think is-- I'd like to steer clear of that walking STD.

I've been saying forever that Fun Home by Alison Bechdel is the best book ever-- Time magazine agrees!

quiverfull

i am fascinated by the whole quiverfull movement, as evidenced by my obsession with the Duggar family. They are the subjects of several TLC one hour specials like "Fourteen Children and Pregnant Again!" and "On the Road with Sixteen Children." Not only is it creepy to have so many children, the whole uber-religious homeschooling is just so interesting.

best thing ever

so funny.

So... circumcision may reduce the incidence of HIV in Africa, but articles like this totally ignore the fact that the practice has so many downsides. I wish articles like this would still ask the question, is it worth it?


And finals are over, so now i can blog all day!

three

Dinner: H went to Five Guys in Georgetown and brought me a cheeseburger... so nice. I love having dinner delivered during finals.

Didn't set off Apt Building-wide Fire Alarm: everytime I move into a new apt, the previous tenant cleans the over with a product that makes the oven smoke the next time it is used. Like clockwork, I used my oven last night for the first time (yes, I have lived here for a month and it was the first time). The smoke alarm went off while the oven was heating up, the cats panicked, I opened the window and fanned the air by the alarm with a pillow and it finally shut off. Crisis averted, thankfully.

Clarity in Paper-writing: I wrote the most challenging part of my paper yesterday and fortunately, everything just clicked. I was a paper-writing machine and I think I was fairly articulate.

three things

So late last night I was reading my friend J's blog. Apparently she read the same random article I saw a couple days ago because she made a list of three happy things-- this is supposed to make you more aware of positive life experiences and be happier in general. I don't want to use the blog function on myspace, so hence, here i am.

--Whole Foods: I went to WF yesterday because I am going to make my favorite salad. I looked around a million times and couldn't find bleu cheese crumbles... they had every other kind, but not that. So I asked a woman at the cheese counter and she said, "oh, we just got a shipment TODAY, it's in the back, just a minute." she went in the back of the store to the stockroom and was gone for like ten minutes. She came back with a big cardboard box, sliced it open, and handed me exactly what I needed. I was just so fortunate that I didn't have to walk to a different grocery store and it seemed like good luck that she knew what they had gotten that day, etc etc.

--Technology: yesterday I woke up and my new cable tv was reduced to a black screen. I called tech services, had them remotely reboot the system, no change. So I was on the phone waiting to talk to a technician (I was a little annoyed as I got a total of ten hours of working tv since it was first installed) and the automated voice said it would be 14 minutes before my call would be answered (but they appreciated my call). As I was waiting, I started searching online and figured out what was wrong and how to fix it myself. I got to hang up before I even talked to the technician. Then last night in the wee hours of the morning, my internet stopped working suddenly. I decided to just go to bed and hopefully it would be fixed today. Woke up: no internet. Again, fixed the wireless myself. Still no clue why both randomly stopped working, but both are fixed, thank goodness.

--Friendship with S: My friend S is my best straight female friend. She called me last night and we had the best conversation ever, like always. So much shouting, so much laughter. I'm really amazed how well we sustain a long distance friendship and just how wonderful she is-- it is a rare thing to have a gorgeous friend make you feel beautiful. Actual S quote: "the first time I saw you, I thought you looked exactly like my high school homecoming queen, you have that all-American midwest beauty. But then the more I was around you, I realized you have an exotic beauty too." I quote her not for the truth of her statement, but just to demonstrate the extent of her friendship generosity-- most women aren't like that, they hold their cards close. There's so many other reasons why she is wonderful, but I'll cut it off here.

This blog will be boring only for the next two and a half weeks. Then my semester is over.

In the meantime, a great girlyman article.

Normally I don't use my Ipod shuffle function because my audio files are just too diverse. It normally ends up being a broadway show tune, then David Sedaris reading a chapter, then a 30 second introduction to a song from a live folk show, then a clip from a really bad appellate hearing, followed up by a gospel tune (I sometimes like listening to songs from my childhood-- so catchy).

But yesterday the old shuffle played "By Way of Sorrow" by Cry Cry Cry then "After All" by Dar Williams-- perfect.